Happy Birthday, Jaya!

My beloved Jaya,

Today was your third birthday. Your Daddy and I let you do a lot of special things because it was your birthday.
You chose to eat ice-cream for breakfast, and rice and curry for lunch and dinner. I think you could be content eating only rice, curry and mango shakes. You love singing so much, we sang you Happy Birthday three times today, and Nanny and Poppa sang to you on the computer from across the ocean. And you love dancing, so we had a dance party after the ice cream breakfast. And another one in the afternoon. We read your new books, The Shape of Me and A Pocket for Corduroy about a dozen times. We read Olivia a lot too. Your favorite gift was a wooden tool kit with wood screws, nuts, and a wooden screwdriver - Raja liked that one too. Daddy made a robot out of your new toy, and you danced with the robot and made us laugh. We played with Play-Doh and just generally had a blast. It was a wonderful day for a wonderful girl.

Jaya, we are so honored to be your parents. You are growing into such an amazing little person. You are kind, loving, full of empathy, affectionate, precocious, hilarious, smart, chatty, articulate, agreeable, inquisitive, fiercely imaginative, bossy, generous, witty, analytical, polite, opinionated, thoughtful, passionate, beautiful, and charming. You are so pleasant to be around. You turned your Daddy and I into parents, and you teach us things every day about that very important job. We adore you. We're not the only ones. Lots and lots of people love you Jaya, because you are just that lovable. You make friends everywhere you go. I want you to know that my life has been immeasurably improved because you were given to me to raise for a while. The world is better because you are in it. I hope as you grow, you keep doing what you're doing now, exerting your influence for good on the universe. No matter what anyone tells you, it does make a difference. What you do does change the world. It changed ours.
Love,
Mama

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Christmas Eve festivities

Jaya really enjoyed playing Mary in our Christmas Eve nativity play.
(We didn't think Raja would sit still long enough to play baby Jesus, so Baby did.)

Merry Christmas!

Because gettin' down with Buddy the Elf should be part of EVERYONE'S Christmas

Send your own ElfYourself eCards

Happy Birthday, Raja!

My little Raja,

It's hard to believe it has been six months since the last time I wrote to you. The last few months have flown by, and you have grown so much. Today was your first birthday, and you had quite a fun day. You are laying here next to me, asleep. I put you to sleep almost every night. This night, I had planned a blog post and video for your birthday, so our friends and family could see what you have been up to, the highlights of your first year. That didn't work out though, because you took a long time to go to sleep. I was getting impatient with you for taking so long. I tried to get in a comfortable position, to balance you, the computer, and the camera all on my lap. Nursing you at the keyboard just isn't as easy as it used to be, now that you're so big. I was fidgeting, frustrated, wishing you would just go to sleep already. I looked down at you, in some feeble attempt to will you to go to sleep, and I saw your dark liquid eyes just staring at me. There was barely any light; I had to squint to make out your face. Yet there you were - quiet, still, but not asleep - just watching me.

Since you were a tiny infant, you have often fallen asleep this way. I used to sit with you on my lap, talking to your Dad or someone else, and you would just lay on my chest, staring up at me with heavy-lidded eyes and a milk-drunk smile, and you would slowly drift off to sleep, still watching me between blinks until the exhaustion was too much for you.

You are older now, but you still do this. Especially if I have been working a lot, or busy, you will lay in my arms, barely nursing, but watching me intently. It's often the only time in a day that you are still. You will let other people put you to sleep at night sometimes. However, if someone else puts you to sleep, you will wake up within an hour looking for me. You've got a very sensitive mommy radar. So sensitive, in fact, that if I enter the room after someone else has put you to sleep, you will wake up within five minutes. Literally, five minutes. And if we've had a day where we didn't get to hang much, well, then we get our hang time anyway - in little three minute intervals throughout the night. So I've learned to make sure we connect often on days I have a lot of work. And on the rare occasion I'm unable to, I don't mind so much when you wake me, because I've missed you too.

Sometimes it's hard on me that you need me so much. Sometimes, like tonight, I get tired and impatient. I think especially because sleep usually comes easy to you - so when it doesn't, I get unnecessarily aggravated. I needed a reality check tonight. Were you trying to teach me a lesson? Were you telling me something? Something like...Mama, one day, you will be missing this. You will miss the days when I was so in love with you that I needed to see you every night before I fell asleep.

I will, son, I know I will.

I want to never forget the weight of your sleep heavy body in my arms, your damp hair against my half-numb arm, your warm smooth skin, the faintly sour-sweet smell of your breath, the impossibly long eyelashes finally fluttering to complete stillness, your pursed lips, still moving as you dream-nurse. It is one of my favorite memories of you, of us. Thanks for reminding me to enjoy it. Happy birthday, my adorable little guy. I love you.

Love,
your mama

P.S. You woke up three times while I wrote you this letter. I learned my lesson, I promise. But could ya go back to that long-stretch-of-sleep-in-the-evening-so-Mommy-can-do-stuff thing again? Thanks.

The 5-tooth Badger

Raja is walking. And much to my relief, he is being cautious about it, venturing out just two or three steps at a time. He is just so happy and proud of himself, standing on his own and getting around. Every time he stands or takes a step we get to see this:
I've never seen a baby's teeth not come in pairs. Has anyone else? His missing front tooth just adds to his overall adorableness. I seriously cannot get enough of his grin.

Jaya-isms, almost three

"Why is Daddy mad?'
"The Raiders lost."
With a look of alarm, "Where'd they go? Who took them away from him?"


She is definitely bossy, but still so sweet - she ends every command with a lilting "Alright?" As in, "Pick that up, alright?" or "Bring me that mango, alright?"

While we're getting ready for a wedding reception, "When I'm a big girl I'm going to marry Daddy and you come to the reception, alright?"


At a restaurant, sitting on a chair, "Mama, can you get me that pillow? I want to be com-fu-ble."

While flying paper airplanes, a friend's plane doesn't fly too well: "Not like that! You have to do it proper-ly. Like this."


Jaya has a tantrum. Then an hour later, she says, "Mommy, I'm sorry for being mean, but I was so tired. And my body was so achy."


Raja falls down and cries. "It's ok Raj, it just was an accident. You didn't do it on purpose."

Upon seeing a live pig, legs bound, flopping in the back of a pedicab, "Mama! We have to go save that pig! That poor pig!"


"Raja! Don't really eat it, it's just pre-TEND!"


Watching Daddy carry a large box, proudly exclaims, "Daddy, you're such a big, strong boy!"


Standing on the scale, triumphantly announces, "I weigh thirteen-six."

7 quirks

I've been tagged. (a long time ago, I know)

7 of my quirks

- When I see a digital clock, I manipulate the numbers mathematically until they equal one. I can use any operation. I can introduce negatives and repeat numbers ONLY if all other attempts to equal one fail.

- I am equally left and right brained. I score equal on tests that try to determine what you are, and I scored about equal on verbal and math on the SAT and GRE. This might help explain why I have a lot more than seven quirks.

- I am addicted to reading. I will read ANYTHING, books, magazines, things I have read a hundred times before, boxes, commercials, recipes, trash, prescription bottles, etc. My idea of a perfect afternoon would be sitting at my kitchen table with my feet up on another chair, eating a variety of delicious things and reading a variety of equally delicious things. Give me some chicken curry with A Tree Grows in Brooklyn, my mother's parap with spinach with some Tagore, then let me end with strawberry cheesecake and an article about public health or fashion - perfection.

- I like to imitate people, usually loved ones. But I can do a pretty accurate Smeagol/Gollum too.

- I am not grossed out by blood or guts or bodily fluids. However, repetitive patterns on skin, like clusters of insect bites or patterns left from leaning against, say, a ribbed couch cushion - that is like nails on a chalkboard for me. Give me a full out autopsy or an intensive surgery over a scraped knee or heat rash any day.

- I hate being photographed or videotaped. So much so that if I know a camera is around and on, and it is not in my hand, my body language, my speech, everything will change. It takes a lot of self control not to throw my hands in front of my face and say, Don't take my picture!

-When I smell something bad, I pinch my nose like anyone else. But I don't breathe through my mouth either - because I don't want molecules of the odorant settling into my olfactory chemoreceptors. So I just don't breathe until I can get away, or I start breathing with my nose again. Because I figure I'd rather have foul molecules in my nose than in my mouth, even if I have to deal with a bad smell.

I tag whoever blogs. The vast majority of you who read about us wild things don't blog, I know. That's ok. I tag Marei too. We're all quirky in this family! (Though I admit, I may be the quirkiest thus far). Maybe he'll do it if you all help me and request a Marei quirk-list.

Raja and the slide

Raja loves climbing. I mean LOVES it. So much so that he figured out how to stop sliding and start climbing up the very first time he went down the slide.

Yes, I am totally impressed with my son's athletic ability. I am one proud mama. But to be completely honest, a part of me is also terrified. I've gotten nauseous watching Marei fly off cliffs on a snowboard and dive headfirst off towers. I figure Marei's daredevilishness is one part athleticism, one part mental acuity, one part optimism and one part pure recklessness. I think we know for sure Raja has the first three things. It is too soon to tell if he has the fourth, but I am hoping instead he is tempered with a healthy dose of the cautiousness Jaya and I have. Or I am in for a lot of bouts of nausea...

Our holiday in Bohol

We decided to take a trip to the neighboring island of Bohol to spend our long Thanksgiving break. It was wonderful! We ate fresh seafood and ice cream instead of turkey and pie, relaxed on warm white sand instead of snuggling on the couch with a blanket, and watched wildlife instead of football. It was definitely different - but it was awesome! Jam (short for Jamaica) helps us with the kids during the workweek, and she is so good with them. We invited her to come along with us. The children were so excited to have their beloved Ate Jam, and having a third adult along made going on vacation with kids actually feel vacation-like. We traveled by speedboat to Bohol and back, about a 100-minute ride. We left Thursday morning, and returned Saturday evening. Here is what we packed into three days:

Day 1
Arrived in Bohol, checked into motel.
Visited Bohol Bee Farm - ate their delicious food and toured their farming and livelihood areas. Got to do some fun things like hold bees and pretend to eat worms.
Visited a small wildlife sanctuary, where a monkey reached out of his cage and grabbed Jaya's hand. Jaya first freaked out, then sternly but kindly reprimanded the monkey.
Went to Hinagdanan Cave. Jaya thought we were going to swim in the cave lagoon.
Went to the mall arcade to eat pizza and let the kids get some run around time.
Sleep!!

Day 2
Beach day!!!!!! Fine white sand, gorgeous palm trees, lunch overlooking the ocean, clear turquoise sea....
Went to a playroom for a while (these are at all the malls here, they are large rooms full of toys and fun to take your kids to play for a fee)
More sleep!

Day 3
Chocolate Hills - Jaya climbed the 214 steps to the viewing area without being carried, not once, but twice. We were impressed with that as well as the gorgeous view.
The Hanging Bridge - made out of bamboo. Rickety. Supposed to only have ten people on it at once. (that was totally ignored). We watched a guy strip a coconut of its husk with his teeth, which Raja immediately tried to do himself.
Drifted down the Loboc River in a floating restaurant, ate a buffet lunch while being serenaded and we even got to see a dance performance.
Tarsiers! Cute little primates, like ours. But even smaller - they could fit on your palm. This was Jaya's favorite place.

We also got to see a lot of beautiful countryside while we drove from place to place. It was a great trip, and we hope to go back to Bohol before we leave the Philippines. Now that we have seen the sights, we'd love to just go and spend a weekend on the beach....none of us can seem to get enough. There are lovely beaches in Cebu as well, but the sand at Panglao was so fine and white, the water so clear, and the beach so not crowded. Marei and I kept saying to each other, I can't believe we're really at a tropical paradise like this.

(It's a long video, feel free to skip it, we just couldn't bear to cut out any more of our great little adventure).

Why Thanksgiving?

Here is what Thanksgiving is for in our family:
1) to be grateful
2) to remember the real history behind Thanksgiving
3) to be with family
4) to eat!

Some thoughts about 1-4:
1) We truly have so much to be grateful for, but to pick just one thing - our living situation. We get to spend so much time together as family. The kids are with us nearly all of the time. Marei and I get to have real conversations on almost a daily basis. We even get to go out on regular dates. Even with work, I never have to be separated from my children for very long. It is amazing! We will never forget this opportunity.
2) Jaya will be well-equipped by the time she reaches elementary school to raise her hand and stop a misinformed if well-meaning elementary school teacher from perpetuating the myths behind Thanksgiving, and if need be, informing people that Natives are not extinct. Lil' miss bossy boots certainly has no qualms about correcting us all day long.
3) See #1. Also, we really miss our family back in the US at holiday time. I even miss smacking our brothers' hands all day - trying to sneak their grubby little fingers into the stuffing and everything else before it makes it to the table.
4) I won't be cooking a Thanksgiving feast this year and I really do miss it. Here is one of our favorite holiday recipes:

Bread Pudding with "Caramel" Sauce*

10 cups of stale bread cubes
1 cup white sugar
4 large eggs
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1/2 tsp cinnamon
3 tablespoons melted butter
2 cups of heavy cream
2 cups of milk

1 1/4 cups dark brown sugar
1/2 cup unsalted butter
1/2 cup cream

1 cup heavy cream (kept cold in the fridge) for whipping

Preheat oven to 325 degrees and place a roasting pan in oven. Place the bowl you will use to make whipped cream in the freezer. Beat sugar and eggs together until mixture becomes pale yellow and falls from a spoon in a ribbon. (see picture)
Add vanilla and cinnamon and mix. Add melted butter (make sure it is cooled), milk, and cream. Stir until well combined.
Butter a 9x13 pan. Place bread cubes in pan and cover with custard mixture. Place pan inside roasting pan, and then pour hot tap water into roasting pan until the water comes about halfway up the 9x13 pan's sides.
Cook for about one hour, or until when you push on top of bread pudding, no custard rises on sides of pan. While pudding is cooking, prepare sauce. Melt butter in a pan, add brown sugar. Once sugar is dissolved, and cream and cook over medium heat for about 3 minutes until smooth. Then whip cream until soft peaks form.
Serve warm, with a dollop of cream and a drizzle of sauce. (Makes about 10 servings, with leftover sauce for pancakes or ice cream the next day)

*Some notes:
You can use any kind of bread. The best results are from using croissants or challah. It is still delicious with plain old sandwich bread. Leave cubes out overnight to stale, or you can dry them out faster by spreading them on a cookie sheet and placing them in a low temp oven for an hour or so.
This is really easy to make. Don't let the water bath scare you. It really does make a difference.
I use cream and whole milk on holidays. I've made it with less cream, half and half, even all milk, and it is still yummy. If using all milk, I would increase the butter by 1-2 tbsp. Don't substitute for the butter!
For texture, I usually reserve 1-2 cups of the cubes. I add the rest to the custard and submerge. Then I sprinkle the remaining 1-2 cups over the top and press down very slightly so they are only partly submerged. Then I sprinkle a very small (1-2 tsp) amount of white sugar on top. This gives the dish a contrast in texture (soft custardy pudding and crisp, browned topping) that takes the dish to another level. Not necessary of course, but I think it makes the pudding even better.
The caramel sauce isn't real "caramel" but it matches this recipe better and is easier/safer than making caramel.
If you make the custard and whip the cream by hand, you might be able to justify having two pieces.
Happy Thanksgiving!

My mother, my self

Yesterday was a rough day for Raja.  First of all, he woke up from a night of fitful sleep due to congestion.  He woke up a dozen plus times in the night, screaming and arching his back in frustration, needing to nurse, or have his nose cleaned out, or simply be held upright so he could sleep.  So he(we) started the day tired and cranky.  Then through two separate incidents, he ended up with a deep abrasion on his nose, and another cut and swelling above his eye, both very painful.  Each time, he bawled and reached out his little arms to me for solace.

When he went to sleep in the afternoon I looked at his battered little face and cried.  Yes, I cried because my son had "owies."  Not the first nor the last of many childhood owies.  I knew how hard the day must have been for him.  I remembered his anguished little wails and his heaving sobs, and how I just wished so badly I could take the pain away from him.  In the evening, after a few naps, lots of cuddles and love, he was back to his normal self.  The runny nose was nearly gone, the battle scars evident but beginning to heal, and most importantly, my happy grinning playful Raj was back.  And I was so relieved to see him laughing and playing and happy that I had to fight back tears for the second time that day.

I have experienced empathy many times in my life.  I have felt sorrow for the suffering of others, but the intense desire to endure heartbreak a thousand times worse if it meant I could somehow remove my child's pain - that's different.  For me, it is a physical ache at least as powerful as hunger or exhaustion.

When I was pregnant with Jaya, one night I had some visual disturbances.  We went to the emergency room, and after a series of exams, more disturbing diagnoses like stroke were ruled out, and we discovered I had corneal injuries.  These were extremely painful but not harmful in any way to the baby inside my body.  I had kept my mom apprised of the situation.  When I told her of the diagnosis, the relief I heard in her voice mirrored my own.

For the next 72 hours, I was in a lot of pain and I couldn't see.  Marei cared for me tenderly, and I recovered.  The next week I flew to NY as planned to see my mom and family.  We went to visit my mom's workplace.  One of her close friends and co-workers told me a story about the previous week.  She explained how my mother had come in to work, obviously shaken and disturbed.  She told me how she found my mother in her office, crying, because of my illness.  I figured out that episode was after my diagnosis.   I blithely laughed at my dear mom, and said to her, "You knew I was fine!  You're a nurse!  I didn't have a stroke or anything - it was just painful, not dangerous!"  She smiled briefly and shook her head, and the subject was dropped.  Little did I know how another three months would change my perspective of this day forever.

Like my mother, I am an extremely practical type.  While I am a worrier and deeply emotional, I rarely waste time worrying about things I cannot control or change.  In emergencies, my mind immediately goes to the most logical and practical next step and doesn't usually waste a moment on sentiment.  But mother love transcends practicality and reason.  It did not matter much that I knew Raja was okay, that I knew his wounds would heal, he would catch up on sleep, and his nose would stop running.  Like my mother that day in her office, all that mattered in the moment was that my baby was in pain and there was no way to take that pain completely away from him the way I yearned to do.  I do not wish to sound ungrateful - I am so very grateful because the moments of pain my children have experienced thus far are few and far between, and we are so blessed to have avoided any serious illness thus far.  I cannot imagine the pain a mother endures when her child's pain has more consequence than the pain itself.  I believe that there is a higher purpose and reason for the pain and tragedy we endure in this life, in any degree, and at any age.  In all practicality, when I reason it out, I don't want to take all pain away from my children for the rest of their lives because I believe it is there for a vital purpose - to help them to grow. That, however, doesn't change that intense mother love empathy - it doesn't change my instinct and desire as a mother to shield my children from pain and it does not mitigate the sadness I feel during the moments they endure it.  

That day in my mom's office later came to serve as a reminder of one of the most profound things I have learned since becoming a mother.  I think of that day and I think, "Now I know how much my mother loves me." 

Badger teeth and more....

First and foremost, here is a picture of Raja's first two teeth:

Second, here is a picture of his emerging canines.  He is getting them before his front teeth - so we should have some interesting smile pics soon!

What else?

My boss, Ed, came for a visit.  He will make an awesome grandpa one day!

Paper Jaya came into being.

Ayala Mall opened a gorgeous new outdoor section, replete with new restaurants to try, water features, abundant greenery, even live music.  We are such mallrats.  Me especially.

It's sometimes rough leaving the mall or other public places because Jaya makes friends with people and doesn't want to leave her new friends.

Raja loves bars on windows, in buildings and taxis - because he can try to swing like a monkey from one window bar to the other.  We need to build him a tiny jungle gym.

Jaya has become even more polite, and asks permission for most everything....

"Daddy, can I ride this please? Okay, thank you Mommy!  Oh, I bumped you Raja, sorry!  Oh, you stepped on my toy, but it's okay!  Oh, ok, thanks!"

Raja has become even more of a momma's boy, throwing himself down in utter despair and beating his little fists into the ground if mommy leaves the room at an inopportune time.

Oh, yes, and they've gotten cuter.  Yes, yes, I know, but it's true!  See for yourself.

Banana lovin'

In this family, we all love bananas. And in the Philippines, we can choose from tons of varieties of bananas.  We can also choose from lots of different snacks, all served on a stick.

Enter the banana-cue....saba banana (interestingly enough, this variety is also used to make ketchup) that is fried, caramelized in brown sugar, and impaled on a stick:

  

The pictures of Marei and I drooling open-mouthed just aren't as cute.

Lucky for us we have friends who own a banana-cue cart.  They also sell kamote-cue, which are sweet potatoes given the same treatment (sooooo good), and turon, which are banana and jackfruit wrapped inside an egg roll wrapper and fried (also delicious).

, 

How we made Paper Jaya

Yesternight, I laid down. Mommy drew around me to make a girl like me.

Then we painted her brown like me.

And she got a tank top and panties like me.

Then mommy gave her eyes and crazy curly hair like me.

We made her a long yellow skirt!

Raji-paj likes her too!

But we won't let him eat her.

Like he eats everything else!

Potty humor...

....may not be funny to everybody, but in our family, we think it's hilarious. Jaya being potty trained has made for some funny moments.

For example:

She likes to give a running commentary of what is happening when she is on the potty, a detailed and highly audible play-by-play of her bodily functions. This is usually lengthier and more audible the more public the restroom is.  Last week at the bank:

"Ok, I'm done....oh wait, hold on, there's another one on the way!"

One day at home, while in the bathroom, hollers urgently, "Daddy! Daaaaaaa-ddy!  Daaaaaaad!"  

Marei runs to her aid, "Yes, Jaya?"  

"Can you get me a magazine?"

Out at the mall: Takes one look at the bathroom and says, "This is too dirty!  Dis-GUS-ting!"  and walks out in pursuit of a more suitable place to do her business.

Historical Moment

We purposefully stay apolitical on this blog.  However, we decided to at least mark this momentous occasion in our nation's history. 

Although we have been out of the country for a while now, the significance of a female VP candidate and an African-American presidential candidate was not lost on us by any means, and we've followed the last few months of the race from the Philippines with fervent interest. 

I had a school teacher who lamented to our class of  diverse, New York city elementary school students that our country had such a long way to go in regards to racism that a black man would never become president during our lifetimes.  I am happy to be alive in a time when that statement has been disproved. Regardless of your political beliefs, I think we as American citizens can all appreciate what had to occur in our nation collectively - in order for a man who would have had to battle Jim Crow just to vote a half-century ago to now become the president-elect of our country!  I am thrilled to be able to recount the experience of this historic election to our children one day.

Yes, we can!

I can do it!

Seems like the kids have grown so much in the last few weeks!  Jaya vascillates between, "I'm a big girl!" and "I'm not a big girl yet, but soon."  Raja, to Marei's delight, wants to be a stuntman/baller/daredevil.  Here are their latest exploits.... 

Happy Halloween!

What do you dress up as for Halloween if you are a toddler who loves dogs and polka dots?*

A dalmation, of course! A sassy dalmation.

What do you dress up as for Halloween if you are a baby who refuses to keep anything on your head, and who is really good at making moody facial expressions and banging objects on the floor?*

An angst-ridden, guitar-breaking rock star!

(who is actually an adorable, sweet, precious, happy rock star most of the time) 

*This is actually what you wear for Halloween if your mom is cheap frugal, wanted to use what was already at home, and refused to spend a lot of money on something you would only wear for a mere few hours.

Quintessentially Jaya....

...the ladylike pose, the intense concentration, the complete oblivion to her surroundings when she's enthralled with the written word, the ultrafeminine skirt and matching shoes...

So Jaya.

So is this.  When we saw the mannequin below, she actually grabbed "her" hand, and requested that I take a picture of her with the mannequin.  Then she asked one of her daily ten thousand questions, captured below for our viewing pleasure.  Note my brilliant response.

I wish I could fall asleep sitting up too...

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

I think some kids are born sleepers. Raja is one of these. In stark contrast to Jaya, he was sleeping 5 hours straight early on. The combination of him being a natural born sleeper and me already knowing how to nurse laying down meant I never hit that bleary-eyed why-is-the-remote-in-the-fridge-and-my-dinner-in-the-dishwasher utter mom exhaustion the way I did with Jaya.

Raja got this ability to sleep anywhere from Marei. He also inherited Marei's nose, love of snuggling in his sleep, and his sunny disposition first thing in the morning. Like Daddy, Raja usually wakes up smiling and happy. I love waking up to his huge grin every morning!